I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
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My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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