I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were trust falling into bushes
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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