I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
