real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
