Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
