New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
