did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
