The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
