i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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