he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
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I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
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Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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