Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
