I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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