So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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