i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
