So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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