finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
