so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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