Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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