erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
