My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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