3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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