Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
