i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
