..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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