Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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