are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
