I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
