I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
