erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
