Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
