could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
