I can tuck mytits in my pants
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Well I just put wine in my tea
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
