i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
