Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
