Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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