I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
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