I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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