he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I still have a little drunk in my system
soo... how was my night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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