I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
