Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
