Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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