It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize