i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
