I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
