Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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