And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
