lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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