He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
