i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
