EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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