Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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