But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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