she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
