you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
where does the pee come out of this thing
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
