he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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