I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
