ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
