Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
