Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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