I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
