pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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