I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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