final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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