If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
