found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
