A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
