Are we in a gay sports bar?
this just has baby written all over it
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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