I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
