Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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