He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
