I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
