is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
