I'm lost and stupid without you.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
