I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Randomize
