if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
