I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
